Personal details

Name: Antoine Lagarde

Age: 28

Name of Team: San Francisco Glide Youthbuild

Position: Coach/Midfield

Year of Participation: Second

His Story in his own Words

It seems like my whole family suffers from bipolar disorder; well, at least my grandpa, mom, and a bunch of uncles, aunts, and cousins, etc.  However, until recently, it was a taboo subject that few in my family ever mentioned, and I therefore felt shame and stigma when I went on my rollercoaster rides that are the highs and lows of bipolar disorder.  It has been a tremendous obstacle to my happiness and when mixed with alcohol, nearly had fatal effects. 

Indeed, I started drinking to try to fight off the pain and self-hate from my lows and drank even more to celebrate the euphoria of my highs.  As a result, I would sometimes walk in the streets all night and slept on benches and in parks with a bottle as my only companion.  I was convinced that I would end up as a beggar and a bum for the rest of my days.  Other days, I would drive my motorcycle recklessly fantasizing about an accident that wouldn’t devastate my family as much as an obvious suicide.  Fortunately, my sister dragged me to the hospital, and I was 5150’d (recognized as a threat to myself or others). 

The whole ordeal ended up being a blessing in disguise.  My family could no longer hide our dark, family secret and it helped my mother, and I gradually overcame the stigma of mental illness and became proud of what we have overcome.  Soccer or football as we call it in France was another crucial element in my recovery because I continued to play in my darkest moments as it always gave me joy and allowed me to be free for a few moments from my circular thoughts and constant anxiety that was eating away at my soul.  I am now a teacher for John Muir Charter School and I work with Glide Memorial Church to provide a high school diploma, life skills, and job training to young adults from marginalized neighborhoods in San Francisco who are often homeless themselves. 

Last year, some of my students and I trained hard and we ended up going undefeated in the Street Soccer USA cup and were crowned champions!  I was then given the honor of playing on the USA national team in the Homeless World Cup in Milan where we had by far the best showing by a USA squad in history.  This year, we are training again to defend our title, but more importantly to stay focused on our life goals with the support of the team. Street Soccer USA has helped me empower myself and others by saying loud and clear, yes, I have struggled, I was one of those mentally ill people you see on the streets, but I wouldn’t trade my past for anything because whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.